I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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