STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
