I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
