you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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