apparently the secret to your success is patron
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
