Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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