she woke up with a sticky ear
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
