She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
