he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
