I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
