Yo dont text me then not text me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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