he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
