I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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