on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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