Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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