I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
