my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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