Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
