saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
