with your own penis?
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize