I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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