We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
