I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
