Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i think i just lost a toe
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize