Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
