did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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