This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Damn victory sex feels great
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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