I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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