Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize