ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
