Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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