He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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