He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
