i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Alive.
So much puke
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
