How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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