So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Text me some of your sweat
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