Plan B is the new Plan A
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
