Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
