If that was your dad, he is hot
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize