Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
