I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
