i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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