i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
