I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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