Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
