There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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