yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
