Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
