Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
