What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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