A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What did we do last night that was yellow?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
