Just cropdusted the office
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
