Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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