Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
