He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
