the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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