i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
