She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
