And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
