when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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