We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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