I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
