He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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