I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
