guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
