shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
