I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
